Happy Friday the 13th!  Ironic that one of the most terrifying days is right before the love drenched Valentine's Day festivities.  I don't have a valentine this year, like so many other over-qualified young girls out there.   And besides the fact that Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, it still means something.   

There are probably some wonderful love stories that have taken place on Feb. 14th and of course for every love story there is a break up story.  It's a cycle.  I'm not heartbroken or in love so I guess I'm indifferent?  Yeah...that's a nice way of saying "Hi. I'm still jilted, jaded, and a little pissed off about the last one. But are you interested?!"    

Oh well, I plan on memorizing monologues, watching hopelessly romantic films, and indulging in a five dollar box of chocolates from Wal-Mart...while deciding that maybe it is a little pathetic that my Valentine's Day gift to myself was a hamper with wheels.   

Wishing you all love, hugs, and kisses.

Your Beautiful Loser

Love Letters

  Oh the love letters that haunt me every time I glance up.  They are collecting in an old Aldo shoebox with dust on top.  How many times there the words darling, sweet pea, gorgeous, beautiful, and love are tossed around in ink.  Hey but at least someone loved me once.  Once upon a time...

       And they lived happily ever after?

I'm Back

   Forgot I owned a blog.  Like so many other humans on earth trying to become the next big blog sensation.  Too bad we can't all be that lucky.

self

so about two weeks ago I was sitting in my Religions of Asia class and our professor is...a little out there. She asked the question, "What is our self?" Pretty deep right? After five minutes of awkward silence and a class full of tired college students, a brave soul raises their hand to give some form of "thoughtful" answer. At this time I am getting the giggles because I inhereted the "laugh at inappropriate times" gene from my father. My roomate gives me the evil eye for being a smartass...and then all of a sudden my professor looks straight at me and asks, "What's so funny?" Great. It was just such a huge question to ask someone, especially college students not over the age of 20.
Like I know what a self is, or even who I am. I would like to think I have a pretty good understanding of what I'm made of, and that experiences in my past have molded me into the human being I am when I wake up every morning. But really, I have no idea.
Then last night I was laying in my bed, the lights were off, the TV was a soft murmur. After all of the thousands of thoughts running through my beautiful mind had started to settle, I thought, "This is me." I was debating earlier if I was the same person I was four months ago..I'm not, but I still have my self. I embraced myself and nothing was missing. No one ran away with a piece of me.
I'm still my self.

Faith

Don't you love when you thought you lost something forever...and then it reappears!! It's such a great feeling! Over Christmas my Macbook, of all things, crashed! I lost all my music, photos, and writings. There was one piece of writing that I didn't want to lose, but understood that it might be a sign that I would never have to read it again. Well today I was looking through old e-mails on my account and Voila! There it was! I couldn't believe it and couldn't stop smiling, I'm sure the other studious people around me thought I was insane, but o well.
Personally I don't think anything is lost forever. There can always be a second chance or a sign that brings something special back. People you haven't talked to for years suddenly drop you an e-mail or leave a voicemail. A spark appears between two people again after they had fallen out of love. Healing words come from the person who hurt you the most. It might be karma, it might be fate, it might be a whole new beginning.
Sometimes when we don't believe there will be any second chances or sometimes when we think some things are lost forever, it takes all of our faith and hope to know that it will come back around again. Faith in people and faith in ourselves.

focus on the positive

  Too many times I find myself focusing on all of the negative aspects in life.  I focus on all the negative things said and done.  So much energy is spent on the negative, and why do we do it?  The positive is so much better.  There is encouragement and hope from the positive side.  I have found that for every negative thing said towards me there are at least ten positive things said about me to take that place.  

   It would feel so great to dispose of all the negative energy completely, but I don't think that's 100% realistic.  There will always be a nasty something following you around and tugging at your heart strings, but really it's the classic battle of mind over matter.  I am an optimist so stay with me when I say there are still good things in life.  Think about all the great foods you haven't tasted, the magnificent sights to see, songs to hear, creatures to love, and people to help.  Fill your lives with positive thoughts...trust me it feels so much better.

strength

 Hey!  It's a  new year and a new beginning.  There is so much that has happened this past year.  Moving on from one part of my life to the next, loving, losing, winning, cheering, laughing, crying, and eventually being broken hearted.  Every aspect has made me stronger.  It seems cliche to say that which does not kill us only makes us stronger, but there is an odd truth to many cliches out there.  I am a stronger person today then I was a year ago.

  I have found a new strength in me that I never knew I possessed.  The strength to pick myself up and gently put the pieces back together.  You never know how fragile a human's soul and spirit is until it is smashed into millions of pieces.  The true character of a person is shown in how they deal with the whole situation.  I guess I'm the better person with a strong character.  

  There are weak moments when you're trying to be strong.  We become weak when we try to eat healthy and reach for the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, we become weak when we are put down, some of us become weak when we're losing, and sometimes we become weak when it comes to the people who have hurt us the most.  Just because we have moments of weakness doesn't mean we can't be strong...it's just part of being human.

  So in this new year I will be strong and believe in hope, love, and myself.  I'm sure there are some areas where I could improve myself, but mostly I aim at enjoying who I am and what I have to offer so many.  And that's why I'm smart and pretty.